


...because, reasons

by shortystylee



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben and Poe are besties, F/M, Gratuitous Firefly References, Pre-Relationship, nerd!Ben Solo, not exactly a meet-cute but close enough
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 06:45:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16613921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shortystylee/pseuds/shortystylee
Summary: Rey was content to leave her calculus TA, Ben Solo, in the "incredibly hot but also horrible" category - convenient, as it let her ogle him but also stay convinced that it was futile to catch any feelings. Not like he had interests outside of grading homework and being the university's strictest teaching assistant.Until she learns that theydohave some things in common. A lot of things. And that there's a much different side to Ben than what she sees twice a week in class.Oh, and they have friends in common too.Crap.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry not sorry about the Firefly references. 
> 
> Much love to my person, T, for helping add fuel to the fires of my random plot bunnies.

_ You need this math class to graduate. It’s required. Just tough it out.  _

 

That’s what Rey kept telling herself. Over and over and over again. 

 

Okay, to be fair to Professor Richardson, it wasn’t that he was a bad professor. Not in the slightest. No, Rey had a bit of a soft spot for the old professor who dressed like a mixture of 19th century Sherlock Holmes and Mr. Rogers. 

 

But he only taught lectures twice a week. 

 

Recitation the other two days, which she’d nicknamed “Torture Tuesday” and “Thought It Couldn't Get Any Worse Thursday,” that was were her problem was. 

 

A problem in the shape of a six-foot-two stunningly handsome teaching assistant, whose apparent self-imposed uniform of dark slacks and button downs with the sleeves rolled up made her feel like a Victorian lady in desperate need of a fainting couch. That wavy hair and those black-rimmed glasses, and ugh, his voice. She loved the way it sounded, but never what he said.

 

_ If you don’t show your work, Miss Jackson, you’ll never know what you’re getting wrong.  _

 

With the exception of him calling on her for answers, and the infrequent terse greeting, those were about the only real words he said to her, when he handed back her homework, bloodied with red ink. 

 

She knew this wasn’t a crush. Crushes are based on a combination of shared interests, hobbies, and attraction. 

 

And this? What she felt? This feeling of her pulse rapidly increasing, of words getting stuck in her throat, that familiar insistent clenching in her core when that smooth baritone voice called her  _ Miss _ and reminded her that she’s more than welcome to come to his office hours if she needed assistance? 

 

_ Oh, that’s lust.  _

 

Because she  _ can't _ have a crush on him. 

 

Ben Solo, teaching assistant for MTH234 Multivariable Calculus, was, to put it simply, a dickbag. 

 

_ A literal bag of dicks, _ she’d reminded her roommate on multiple occasions, the only time she was jealous of his liberal arts degrees and that he was able to get his one semester of math out of the way freshman year. 

 

XxXxX

 

You know that feeling you get when you know someone is looking at you and waiting to say something? 

 

That was Rey’s life right now.

 

So when she finally heard a set of footsteps nearing her table and a voice asking, “Do you mind if I sit with you?” she wasn't surprised in the slightest. 

 

What was surprising, was that she recognized it, that low and even voice, and when Rey looked up from her work, she found herself correct in her assessment. 

 

Ben Solo. 

 

She’d barely recognized him without that look of permanent disdain on his face.

 

The Starbucks near campus was jam-packed. It was midterms week, so of course it was crowded - she'd been there for a few hours already, scooped up a good spot by the fireplace, and was two and a half lattes deep when he walked up. And as she looked around, hoping to see an empty table that he’d missed, she saw that the only open spot was a lone chair next to her. 

 

_ Guess my resting bitch face only saved me for so long.  _

 

“Um, sure. I guess.” She scooted her chair over to the right a bit, and stacked some of her books and papers on top of each other to make room for whatever he had with him. 

 

A part of her wanted to say no,  _ of course not, _ that maybe if he was less of a hardass about her homework answers that she'd consider it. But that'd be a little… extra, wouldn't it? And rude. And the chair next to her was clearly unoccupied. 

 

“Thanks.” He dropped his backpack down on the floor next to the chair as he sat down. They made small talk for a few moments, started by him, which surprised her most of all. Sure, it was just that normal  _ How are you, I’m fine, What’re you studying for? Oh, is that a mocha? _ type, nothing more than what would be considered polite conversation with a stranger in line at the store, but it seemed out-of-place to have that innocuous sort of conversation with someone whose mouth usually only spilled out vitriol for sophomores’ efforts to understand high level math. 

 

After a few minutes, he pulled out his laptop, squeezing it into what little space was available on the table. He stopped trying to have a conversation soon after, typing away on his laptop once it started up. 

 

It was obvious to her, though, how he kept sneaking glances her way. Perhaps he noticed her doing the same. Something was different with him. He’s closer to her than he's ever been before, but this version of him was so less intimidating than what she was used to. No less attractive, quite the opposite now that she's noticed the beauty marks scattered across his face and the quirky smile he gave when she agreed he could join her. 

 

This Ben was much less aloof, he mumbled his replies and frankly reminded Rey of how  _ she _ usually acts in his presence. He looked more like the college senior he was and less like a day trader at the stock exchange, having replaced his serious button downs for a school of engineering hoodie and his slacks for dark grey joggers. His hair wasn’t expertly done like it normally was either, just pulled back in this haphazard half-up man-bun  _ thing, _ leaving the parts that were too short to curl around his ears. She made the mistake of looking over and down right when he crossed his right leg over the left and -  _ holy fucking shit, his quads are huge! How the hell haven’t I noticed those in his dress pants? Alright, calm it down, Rey, and stop staring so dangerously close to his crotch. _ She unzipped her hoodie and pulled it off, shrugging it backwards so it hung over the back of the chair, suddenly overly warm from the fireplace nearby.  

 

At least she told herself it was from the fireplace. 

 

Luckily, he’d been too fully engrossed in whatever he was working on to notice her ogling, but he looked up when he saw the movement of her taking her off her hoodie.

 

“Oh, cool. You like Firefly?” She quirked an eyebrow up at him, and then remembered, looking down at her t-shirt with two dinosaurs on it that read  _ curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal _ across her chest. “I’ll be in my bunk,” he quipped, waiting for her reply.

 

_ Well then, that’s quite the line to quote. _ Her expression showed her surprise at his choice and the connotation behind that line. 

 

In an instant, a look that both combined terror and embarrassment crossed his face, which was now turning an adorable shade of red, stretching from under the neck of his hoodie to where the tips of his hair covered his ears. He immediately started backpedaling.

“Oh, fuck. God, I don’t mean it like  _ that _ … I was just… yea.” Stumbling over his own words and awkwardly gesturing with his hands, Rey realized how young he actually was - he wasn’t some professor ten or twenty years older, but an undergrad like her, only two years older, endearingly unsure of himself. She  _ knew _ he was a senior, but it’d been easy to forget that fact, overshadowed by his professional dress and commanding presence in the classroom. “I’m gonna shut up now, Rey.”

 

“No, really. It just caught me off guard, that’s all. I think most people would’ve gone with ‘ _ you can’t take the sky from me, _ ’ or ‘ _ I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you. _ ’” She reached over and laid her hand on top of his, patting it a few times, in an attempt to comfort him, to make him feel it was really alright.  _ One of those things we’ll laugh about later, _ she thought, then realized -  _ oh, shit. I’m assuming we have a “later.” _ She didn’t let her hand linger on his, but pulled it back soon after his expression perked up a bit, cradling her coffee cup instead. “Really. Don’t worry about it. Besides, I guess I’m even more surprised that know you know my first name. I’m always Miss Jackson in class.”

 

His eyebrows scrunched up when he answered. “Of course I know what your name is.”

 

“You do?” She questioned, tilting her head to the side and smiling as she drew her bottom lip between her teeth.  _ Friendly conversations with Ben Solo? Who I frequently refer to as a bag of dicks? What sort of bizarro world did I wake up in this morning? _

 

“Well, yea. I have a class list, I know everyone’s names,” he deadpanned. “It’s sort of my job.”

 

“Oh, of course. That, um, makes sense.”  _ Ugh, Rey, seriously. Don’t make this weird. _ But it was weird. She was used to seeing him at the board in front of class, calm and collected, in control. Ben’s voice was always even and confident when he spoke, whether it was going over limits and partial differentiation, or trying to convince classmates of hers that yes, this is applicable the real world, depending on your career. He had always seemed like the only topic of conversation he would enjoy were related to statistics, or economics, maybe game theory if he was really itching for something interesting. But now, now that she knew there was at least a little part of him that existed without the expertly slicked back hair, that wore hoodies with cut out thumb-holes in the cuffs, and that was able to quote Firefly back at her - this was a Ben Solo that piqued her interests.

 

Rey thought of the words that had passed through her head just a few days ago -  _ crushes are based on a combination of shared interests, hobbies, and attraction. _

 

Whatever this was, she didn’t want to let the conversation die out, so she continued the best she knew how. “That  _ I'll be in my bunk  _ line, that’s not you though. You’re not Jayne, there’s no way… you’re definitely Simon, aren't you, Ben?”

 

His reply came instantly, like he’d been saving it just for this opportunity.

 

“Does that make you Kaylee?” 

 

_ Shit, are we flirting with references from a fifteen year old sci-fi show?  _

 

_ Double shit, am I flirting with Ben Solo? _

 

“Well, I  _ am  _ a mechanical engineering major,” she started, happy with herself for thinking of that similarity on the fly, then thinks,  _ oh to hell with it. If he’s gonna throw the Kaylee/Simon thing out there, then I’ve gotta play along. _ “And I do really enjoy chocolate covered strawberries.”

 

He gave her a smile that said he approved of the reference. “Sorry to disappoint, but the closest you’ll get here is probably that strawberries and creme frap.” He paused for a moment, weighing his next words. “I did ship them though. Simon and Kaylee.” 

 

By this point, Rey had decided to overlook that someone she thought got excited about defiling her homework with red ink and reading Euclidean theories was openly starting to discuss shipping with her.  _ And that I’m agreeing with what he’s saying. _ “Total endgame. I may have fangirled a bit when they finally got together in Serenity.” 

 

“Seriously. But, all the pairs were great, not just Simon and Kaylee. Mal and Inara, Wash and Zoe…”

 

“River and Jayne,” she added when his voice trailed off.

 

“...what?” In an instant, his voice changed from the new, fun Ben back to one was serious and full of disbelief. “You’re making things up.” 

 

“Am not. Maybe not in the show, but the fandom seems to ship it. Last two unattached characters, the whole  _ pair the spares _ thing.” It’s not her ship, but Rey had poked around on tumblr enough. For some reason, Rey trusted this new, outside-the-classroom nerdy Ben - if she hadn’t felt that trust, she’s sure the next words would not have escaped her mouth. “Actually, there’s quite a lot of fic for them.”

 

“Don’t talk about my  _ mei-mei _ and that ruffian like that,” Ben said, a huff of finality in his voice as he crossed his arms across his chest. He sat back in his chair, brows furrowed, and looked over at Rey like he was amazed she had the audacity to even  _ think  _ of that pairing, let alone speak it aloud.

 

Oh, that did it. Rey let out a laugh, not like those small half chuckles most people give when something was supposed to be funny, but ended up falling flat. No, her laugh burst out, loud and genuine. The stern look he had when he spoke dropped away, and he looked truly pleased with himself. 

 

With the hum of background noise from other people’s conversations, espresso machines, and blenders echoing throughout the busy shop, Rey’s reaction seemed lost in the shuffle.

 

But not to Ben. No, he sported a look of complete satisfaction plain on his face, and maybe the tiniest hint of awe that this was actually happening. She felt the exact same.

 

“... you didn’t…,” he started again once she calmed down, but then stopped, only restarting his question when Rey flashed a reassuring smile. “You didn’t happen to watch Battlestar Galactica too, did you?”

 

At that, Rey pushed her chair backwards and stood, only to look down and see Ben absolutely confused by her actions.  _ He thinks you’re leaving, dummy.  _

 

“Hey, chill out. I’m not leaving.” She reached out, her hand easily finding its way to Ben’s shoulder. She certainly didn’t miss the flick of his eyes down to her hand when she gave his shoulder a squeeze. “But, if we’re gonna talk BSG, I think we both need some more snacks.”


	2. Chapter 2

Why Poe invited him out, he’s got no idea. 

Sure, they went out, technically speaking, when  _ out  _ could be defined merely as leaving their respective apartments. Out meant grabbing pizza instead of getting delivery, it meant waiting in line for two hours outside of Chipotle on free burrito day, or browsing the shelves of the nearby comic book store. It did  _ not  _ mean going out to a bar. Usually they spent their nights playing Super Smash Brothers on that N64 Poe bought at the Salvation Army during sophomore year. He claimed it was for nostalgia, and Ben pointed out that they are both twenty-two and that game console came out the same year they were born. Poe hadn’t realized it wouldn’t hook up to their flatscreen TV, so they’d spent the next two weeks scrounging through every resale shop in the city for an old tube TV.  

At least, they hung a lot until he started dating some new guy at the beginning of the semester. Which is… good. For him. He’s happy for his friend. 

_ You’re a great guy Poe. I’m glad you found someone. _

_ Ya know, you’re a great guy too, Ben. You should come out to meet him tonight. I’ve told him nothing but good things about you. Besides, maybe you’ll meet some lucky lady there.  _

_ I doubt it. But don’t worry, I’ll be there. _

Which was why he’s at…  _ where the hell is he again? _ Oh, the Blue Whale on a Friday night. To meet Poe and his new guy.  _ Freddy? Finn? Frank? Definitely Frank. _

He didn’t bother to look at the list of nightly themes tacked up on the the wall behind the doorman who checked his ID, certain that they mostly just included things like ladies night and maybe a country night, and he made it all of four feet farther inside before he heard something unmistakable. 

_ Dammit, Poe. I should’ve known.  _

A man who looked to be around his age stood up on the small stage, microphone in hand, stealing glances at the monitor on the floor as he belted out a tone-deaf rendition of Pearl Jam’s Jeremy. 

Karaoke night. Poe’s favorite. 

As the flannel clad singer continued to abuse the crowd’s eardrums, Ben grabbed a beer and, spotting no open tables, found a pillar to lean against and busied himself with browsing in his phone, trying to block out the assault on his auditory system. He faintly recognized the end of the Pearl Jam song, but didn’t bother looking up until he realized the next song was the one Poe had told him to listen for. 

_ Well I remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday… _

That’s  _ not _ Poe singing. He’s known Poe since before he can remember, and would recognize his singing voice anywhere. This voice was bit of a tenor, not too high, but definitely female. When he looked up at the stage, he saw Poe first - his hair high, expertly teased and hair sprayed so it wouldn’t move an inch, and he wore tight jeans and baby pink denim jacket with a cursive Pink Ladies patch across the back. 

_ And I never had a girl lookin’ any better than you did, and all the kids at school, they were wishing they were me that night… _

Ben’s eyes grew wide as the woman singing stalked confidently across the stage towards Poe and hauled him to her, fistfuls of his white v-neck in both her hands. 

They sang the next line together and the girl circled around Poe, hand running over his torso. Ben was ready to laugh and shake his head, knowing full well that his best friend was getting nothing out of this girl’s hands on him, but then her gaze whipped out towards the crowd and —

_ Oh, fuck me.  _

It’s Rey. 

Rey from the calculus class he taught. Rey who he had coffee with and attempted flirt with through a series of dorky Firefly references. Who bought them a slice of pumpkin bread and a chocolate croissant to share, and was just as excited as he had been to have an in-depth conversation about Battlestar Galactica and ignore their studying. 

She was up there onstage with his best friend and she was  _ killing  _ it.

Okay, so Poe’s putting on quite the performance too, and he supposed he did come here for him in the first place, but fuck that, she was the star as far as he was concerned. 

And sweet Jesus Christ, her  _ outfit _ . Rey went all in with her outfit, just like Poe had - definitely planned. Her normally shoulder length brown hair is brushed back and teased up like Poe’s, except hers is fashioned in a sort of pseudo-mohawk. Black leather jacket cropped at her waist, a white tank top, red leather leather fingerless gloves that match the red lining of her jacket. Cut-off black denim jean shorts, long legs still tan despite how far into autumn they were, and these badass black leather combat boots that look like they’d knock someone flat on their ass if used in a certain way.

_ Baby, don’t you hear my heart _

_ You got it drowning out the radio _

He’s… very pleased to get to see her dressed up like this, yet also thankful she didn't make a habit of coming to his classes like this. Ben knew there’d be no way he could concentrate on math with her looking like that. 

_ Though it’s cold and lonely in the deep dark night _

_ I can see paradise by the dashboard light _

Enraptured. That’s a good word for what he was. Enraptured as he watched his best friend and the girl he’s just getting to know belt out this song about terrible lust-fueled teenage decisions, and it only made him start to think that maybe he needed to make one of those sort of decisions regarding her. He had definitely noticed her in his class before, but just started to have friendly, and thank fuck, nerdy as hell conversations with her thanks to that serendipitous run-in at Starbucks last week. Ben was not ashamed to admit that he had almost zero skill when it came to talking to pretty girls, but he still wanted to throttle himself for that  _ ‘I’ll be in my bunk’ _ line. Rey took it in stride, moved the conversation past it, and her sort of casually talking about shipping and easy-going attitude had put him at ease. Those light little reassuring touches she’d given him had bolstered his confidence tenfold, and over the last week he'd found himself making small talk with her after class while she gathered her things. 

Rey and Poe finished the song as strongly as they started, and were gifted with a long rousing applause, both bowing as if they’d just finished a play. Poe noticed Ben right away, made eye contact and waved him over to his table as he walked off stage. Without Rey, he noted. She was still there, chatting with karaoke host. He was curious why she wasn’t joining them yet, but had no time to ask, since Poe pulled him into a tight hug as soon as he was close enough to reach.

“I’m so glad you showed up.” He held Ben out at arm’s length a moment before letting go.  _ Sure seems to miss me for having just seen me two days ago. _ “Had half a mind that you’d bail on me.”

“Good thing you didn’t mention karaoke night or I probably would’ve.” That was true, and thankfully Poe hadn’t, or else Ben would’ve been at home watching reruns of John Oliver instead of watching Rey’s performance. “You gonna introduce me?”

“Of course! Finn, this is my best friend, Ben, and Ben, this is Finn, my boyfriend.” His lips curled up into a smile as he called Finn his boyfriend, making Ben’s insides clench strangely.  _ Oh, wow, jealousy. Hi. Thanks for showing up.  _

He managed to tamp down the errant thoughts before anyone noticed, and extended his hand to Finn. “Good to finally meet you,” Finn said, and Ben wondered what sorts of childhood stories Poe had been feeding him. With introductions now out of the way, the group sat down at the table, and Finn quickly flagged down a waitress, ordering a bucket of wings - one of the bar’s signature items.

“Poe, you and Rey really outdid yourselves tonight.” Ben spoke before he realized they didn’t have a clue that he knew their friend. 

“You know Rey? You two... friends?” Poe made a face Ben recognized instantly.  _ He also knows I don’t have a bunch of friends waiting in the wings. _ “Because you’re lookin at her like you wanna be a helluva lot more than friends.”

“I’m her TA for multivariable calc.”

“Wait a sec... She’s mentioned you.”

“She has?” he asked, his voice excited yet tinged with the disbelief that Rey would actually spare some of her words for him.  _ Fuck, I hope it's good things, lots of good things. _ He thought he made a pretty decent impression the other day. 

“Whoa, down boy. She has, and you’re referred to as her ‘dickbag calc TA.’”

“A literal bag of dicks,” Finn added. “If I recall correctly.”

_ Alright, then. That's… less than stellar. But it has to be an old opinion? _ Surely after last Thursday some of her thoughts had changed. She'd touched him, twice in fact, and neither time had been by accident.  _ No, they were purposeful actions on her part, _ he rationalized. 

“I’m always a hardass in class.” He shrugged. “Being a dick is kinda my M.O.”

“Well maybe if you wanna get her anywhere near your dick, you’ll stop acting like one,” Poe suggested. 

“Yea, yea. Enough talking about my dick. How’d you two end up together?” Ben asked, changing the subject as the in-between filler music ended. 

“I thought you wanted to stop talking about dick?”

“Poe. I’m being serious, for fuck’s sake.” 

The next song started just as soon as Finn and Poe launched into an animated retelling of how they met. He’s sure it’s adorable, knowing Poe, probably some meet-cute where their hands lightly touched as they grabbed the same bunch of bananas at the grocery store, or their jackets got mixed up at the dry cleaners and he could barely breathe when he saw how dashing Finn looked in his bomber jacket. 

Really though, Ben found out that he didn’t care - at least, not at that moment. Not when he recognized the opening chords to No Doubt’s Just a Girl, then saw Rey as she made her way back on stage. With her leather jacket discarded on the back of a chair on the side of the stage, she reminded him more of mid-90s Gwen Stefani - the tank top that was tucked in before was now cropped, tied up in the back with a knot, and there’s a pair of red suspenders clipped to the waistband of her shorts, previously hidden under the jacket she’d worn. 

She didn’t quite have Gwen’s voice, but Rey held everyone’s attention with the confidence and showmanship necessary for a karaoke performance. Her self-sure sex appeal matched Gwen’s though; it gave Ben the idea that she’d be just a liable to kiss the smirk off someone’s face as she was to punch it off.

“Ben?” he thought he heard over the music, but then definitely felt someone shoving at this shoulder. When he looked over to see Poe and Finn, he saw matching looks of discontent on their faces. “Hey, Solo! You didn’t listen to a single word I said,” Poe accused. 

“...ugh, yea. I did too.”  _ Weak, Ben. That was weak. _

“Oh, good. Then you’re totally cool that Finn and I met at an Eyes Wide Shut themed orgy for bears that have commitment issues?”

Ben rolled his eyes and groaned.  _ I deserved that answer for not paying attention. _ Before he got a chance to tell Poe he knows he’s full of shit, that not only is he not a bear, but he’s also very into commitment, Rey came up to the table. With her leather jacket slung over one shoulder, she’d managed to go from Tragic Kingdom back to being the T-Bird to Poe’s Pink Lady. She took a seat between him and Finn, resting her arm on Finn’s shoulder.

“Hey boys, you didn’t miss me too much, did ya?”

“This one might’ve,” Finn mumbled out, nodding his head towards Ben.

“Ben! I thought I saw you come in.” Rey turned towards him, her arms finding they way around his neck as she hugged him, as if this was something they always did.  _ Three, three touches she’s initiated. _ Poe quickly flashed him a thumbs up while she faced away, so only Ben could see. 

“Poe invited me,” he explained, her arms still around him. Her hair smelled of a citrusy shampoo, and because creepiness be damned, he had the split second thought to see if he could find anything similar at the Yankee Candle store. “I almost didn’t come, but now I’m glad I did.”

Poe mocks some sort of joking tug of feelings, putting on his sappy eyes with his hand over his heart, but luckily he stopped before Rey finally released Ben.  _ I can just see his thoughts,  _ ‘ _ my boy is all grown up and talking to girls _ .’

Rey turned her attention back to Finn, asking if there was any food coming. Ben tried, truly tried, to follow the conversation she started with Finn, something about the wings he ordered and the drinks, but she was so close and he started noticing little details about her. The freckles he’d known about since she introduced herself the first day of class. Two silver studs in her earlobes in the shape of lightning bolts. The gold glitter highlighting her cheeks, that he couldn’t see that when she was on stage.  _ Staring, Ben, you’re staring, _ he reminded himself, just in time for when Poe offered to go check on their food and grab some more drinks. 

Ben knew his chances of saying something potentially embarrassing were much higher if the conversation were centered on him, so instead he remembered the advice his mother always gave, about asking others about themselves, and asked Rey how her and Finn met. Much to his surprise, the plan worked. He was rewarded with a smile from both her and Finn, and regaled with a much more amusing story than he’d expected… a story that involved their freshman dorm, Finn’s eye surgery, and how he somehow managed to wander blurry-eyed into the women’s community shower instead of the men’s.

A couple minutes later when Poe returned, Finn pushed over his phone across the table to him. “Seriously, I think you need to sign up.” Poe proceeded to huff and roll his eyes, busying himself with passing out the drinks he’d carried to avoid looking at Finn’s phone. “No, I mean it, after your performance tonight?” Finn continued. “They’ve even got an award category for best newcomer, you’d be a shoe-in.”

“It’s true,” Rey chimed in, deciding to join the battle. “And I know it’s nerve-wracking, but remember, I said I’d always volunteer to perform with you, if that’ll make you more comfortable.”

The wheels in Ben’s head had been turning since Finn passed his phone over, and it finally dawned on him what they were badgering Poe about. “Wait - is this about getting him to do drag?” Finn and Rey nodded in unison. “Shit, I’ve told him for years that he’d be amazing at it.” 

“See, Poe? It’s not just me and Rey.” 

“I know, I know,” Poe groaned out, sounding more like he was getting grief from his parents than his friends. When the current karaoke song ended and the announcer called out Finn and Poe’s names as the next in line to perform, he looked as if he’d been saved. “Oh, well, isn’t that lucky. Something to cut this conversation short. Let’s go babe, before I actually agree to their suggestions.” 

Finn stood, then looked down at Rey, until she realized she was blocking his way out. Smiling, she scooted her chair closer to Ben to let them both out, and it did not go unnoticed by Ben that she neglected to scoot back to her original spot.

“It’s cool that you’d volunteer to perform with him,” Ben said, trying to keep his mind off the small distance that now separated them.

She shrugged. “The spotlight suits him. I really think he’d love it, just needs a little push. Not that I’ve ever done a drag king performance before, but I think I’d make a pretty handsome man,” she laughed. 

Ben thought he had a pretty good filter on his mouth. TAing, tutoring, any jobs he’d had, he’d always been able to get by without mucking things up too badly or embarrassing himself.

“Even if you don’t, you’re still an incredibly beautiful woman.”

Oh, that filter? Nonexistent apparently. 

He regretted letting that compliment slip past his lips for a second, not because it was untrue - since it’s probably the most truthful sentence he’d ever said - but because she looked stunned by his words. 

The first notes of Finn and Poe’s song started just as the expression on her face shifted. A blush climbed up her cheeks and a small smile appeared, making him hope that his comment was really only unexpected and not unwelcome. 

“...ugh, seriously?” they heard a rough voice say, someone who was clearly not amused at the song choice. Both of them turned to look over their shoulders at the same time, and Ben wished he would’ve bet money on who it was - none other than the Eddie Vedder wannabe from earlier in the night. 

He seemed content to sulk by himself, and as Ben and Rey turned back towards the stage, he looked over at her at the same time as she turned towards him. “Poe  _ loves  _ ABBA,” she said first. 

“Yea, I’m gonna blame my mom for that one.”

Thankfully, Pearl Jam man seemed to be the only one upset with the song choice, and even though ABBA was not his favorite either, Ben knew Poe enjoyed them, and by the looks of it, it seemed like everyone else there was also entertained by the cheesy seventies love song. He noticed more than a few tables of people singing along, and knew that would only boost Poe’s confidence in performing.

They watched quietly, despite some of the enthusiasm coming from other groups. He kept catching Rey fidgeting in her seat or looking over at him, only to look away and back up at the stage a split second later. Until finally, somewhere in the middle of the song, between  _ honey, I’m still free _ and  _ take a chance on me, _ he felt her reach over and cover his right hand with her left. Suddenly a million and a half thoughts shot through his head at rapid fire pace.

How all the sound’s been sucked out of the room.

How he bets his hand is clammy as fuck. 

How he’s actually twenty-two years old, not thirteen, and probably shouldn’t be getting this nervous, or excited, about holding hands.

How, on that line of thought, he’s sure she can’t mean to be holding his hand, that this must be some mistake. 

How all the nerve ending on the back of his hand light up like wildfire when her thumb lazily strokes across his skin.

How much trouble he could possibly get in since he’s her TA.

But then, out of the corner of his eye, he was able to sneak a glance at her face, and he immediately recognized the content smile she wore, the one that was threatening to burst open into a full-fledged cheshire cat grin - it matched his own. 

Taking a deep breath, he let his intrusive thoughts scatter, and shifted his hand so he could lace their fingers together. Ben froze instantly when he heard her sharp intake of breath.

“You alright?” he asked, expecting her to pull away.

But she didn’t, just squeezed his hand instead. “Everything’s shiny, cap’n.”


	3. Chapter 3

Things were going well for Ben Solo. Starting to, at the very least. You know that Simpsons meme, everything’s coming up Milhouse? It felt just like that, and it was a feeling that he really was not used to. Sure, sometimes a few things in his life went well, but lately it seems like everything has been falling into place - his own classes are going well, as is the one he teaches, he hasn’t argued on the phone with his mother in well over a month which has to be a new Guinness World Record, and unlike how Poe had a tendency to be a little flakey on their friendship whenever he started to date someone new, that wasn’t happening this time around with Finn. 

Two weeks had passed since he and Rey had ran into each other at karaoke, and he was well-aware that moment was the catalyst for how amazing he’s been feeling lately. That evening, an unknown number sent him a text message, not even a half hour after everyone had said their goodbyes out on the sidewalk in front of the Blue Whale. 

_ It was good to see you tonight, Ben. I can’t believe you know Poe! What a coincidence, eh?  _

And then, not ten seconds later -- 

_ Do you think you’d like to meet up for coffee and study again sometime? I promise not to distract you too much with fandom meta. _

Oh, yes. Everything about this was too good to be true. He saved her information as a contact and texted her back right away, despite hearing his father’s voice in the back of his head telling him not to be so eager, that she’d think he was desperate. 

But he was desperate, in any case. Rey didn’t seem to notice, or if she did, she must not have minded, as she surprised Ben by replying just as eagerly after he sent back the times he was free during the week. It started easily enough, and though grabbing lattes and working on different classes’ homework in companionable silence wasn’t exactly the most exhilarating way to spend his evening, he kept learning more and more about her that he liked, or that they had in common. Hanging out like they were doing was not equivalent to a date, he knew that, he wasn’t delusional. Maybe a precursor? A getting to know you phase leading up to the real thing? It started to seem increasingly certain each time they studied or she showed up to his office hours - the amount of study time dwindling and the amount of time spent bullshitting about who knows what increasing. He’s stopped counting the times she has touched him, which was good not only because it happens too often to keep track of now, but also because even he can admit that’s top level creepy.

Yep, everything’s coming up Solo.

XxXxX

Class started as usual, and he passed back their in-class quizzes from Tuesday, then called up students individually to go over the quiz problems on the whiteboard.

“Good job, Mr. Mikowski.” The young man, Alex, thanked him and sat back down, as Ben started to give a little more in-depth explanation of some parts a lot of other students had missed in that problem. 

“Miss Jackson?” He waited a moment after he called her name to make sure he had her attention. Her head whipped up from what she was typing on her laptop. “You seemed to have particular trouble with number six. Can you come up and go through the steps on the board?”

Rey nodded, and pushed out of her seat, muttering polite apologies under her breath to the other students as she scooted her way down the row. The problem for number six was already written up on the board, and Ben watched as she tried to remember how to solve the problem, carefully writing out her work on the dry erase board. He had to stop her a few times to correct her, actually more than he’d expected with how often he’d been helping her in his office hours or those Starbucks trips, but maybe they just needed to be even more frequent. Which, in his mind, was a great idea for all sorts of reasons.

He thanked her when she was finished, and called up another student for the next problem as she made her way back to her seat. 

A half hour later, once he’d dismissed class and the rest of the students filed out, part of him had expected for Rey to come back up to the front and make small talk with him while he gathered his things at the podium. He sensed it was their pattern now, having happened for two straight weeks since karaoke. 

Instead, Rey had hurriedly shoved her laptop and notebook into her back and slung it over her shoulder, not even bothering to zip it up entirely before she hurried out of the lecture hall. He can’t of anything else it might be though, and doesn’t really have time to. 

It’s odd, but with the way she rushed out of there, he figured she must’ve had something urgent.  _ She did mention that she has a job at the union, _ he remembered.  _ The student spirit store, that’s right. _ He’d thought the job suited her. Whenever he went into the store at the union - the closest place that sold the rollerball pens he liked - the person behind the counter was always an entirely rare breed of chipper. 

Ben didn’t have time to think too much on Rey at that moment. A group of students called out his name and waved him over to their desk, and he walked over to help with their questions.

XxXxX

Four hours later, Rey was the last person he expected to find standing in the doorway to his office that afternoon. Ever since she left his class in a hurry, he’d been unable to get her out of his head. 

Okay, so that’s not completely true. He’s been unable to get her out of his mind since he word vomited embarrassing Firefly lines at her in Starbucks. His first instinct then had been to stand up, walk to the back of the store, and bury himself under bags upon bags of coffee beans until they smothered him. But somehow, she seemed to find him endearing instead of creepy. With that first chance encounter, plus karaoke, and every other little moment of time they’d spent together, she’d gradually crawled her way into his mind and proceeded to stay put. He found himself thinking of what she’d like to order when he got Chinese delivery for himself - she’d had the lemon pound cake at Starbucks, would she like the lemon chicken at China Square? Would she make fun of him for watching episodes of Deep Space Nine whenever he’d stared at Netflix for too long and couldn’t make any other decisions? 

Over the last week, Ben found and read through the university policies and its handbook, and his teaching assistant paperwork, scouring over legalese to try to see what it said regarding student-TA relationships. He was sure he was screwed and would immediately find something about inappropriate relationships, favoritism, abuse of power, and how he’s a horrible person - and there certainly were rules, but it was all limited to professors and their relationships with students. 

Not teaching assistants. Nothing to do with him. Not a word that could endanger his job or both their studies if he were to ask her out. Except that meant he had no excuse not to do it. 

Ben didn’t know how long she’d been standing his doorway for, the door was already open since it was his office hours. Rey cleared her throat and gave a little knock on the door, and his head shot up immediately. Once she saw that he noticed her presence, she took another step inside and closed the door behind her. 

“Hey, can we talk --”

“Do you wanna go out with me?” he blurted out, interrupting her.  _ Alright, maybe not the best way to ask that, _ he started to think, but then realized what she’d said at the same time.

“...about that shit you pulled in class today?”

Rey finished her sentence anyways, at the same time as him, not bothering to stop, and he realized they both had the same confused looks on their faces.

“Shit I pulled in class today?” As Ben repeated her words back at her, he recognized her expression. It was one that he’d seen his mother shoot at his father a million times. The one that says, how could you possibly not know what I’m talking about? “Wait, you mean the problem I had you do on the board? That?”

“Yea, Ben,  _ that. _ I know I’m not the smartest student, but you… Listen, I’m trying. This class is hard for me, and it’s not that I expect preferential treatment because we’ve hung out outside of class a couple times but…,” Rey stopped and the way she was holding herself changed. Before, she was flustered, eyes flitting around his office, looking everywhere except at him. Not now. Her gaze was right at him, eyes fiery and challenging. “Do you have any idea how fucking embarrassing it is to get called out like that? In front of the whole class.”

_ Miss Jackson, you seemed to have particular trouble with… _

She paused for a beat before continuing. “...I thought you liked me.”

“I do like you.” He stood up at he spoke, hands going to grip tightly to the edge of his desk. Not used to doing this sort of thing, he had tried to put some kind of emotional force behind his words to make her believe. “I’m doing a shit job of it, but I’m trying to ask you out.” 

“No.” Rey’s voice was immediate. “No, you don’t get to say that to me. That you like me. Ya know, for someone who keeps harping on me to show my work so that I can get things correct, maybe you’ve got to work on showing me how you feel.” She paused, then gestures frantically back and forth between them. “So I can get whatever  _ this _ is correct.” 

“Rey, I —”

“Until then, I think it’s best if we just maintain a… professional relationship.” She’s speaking in this serious tone he hasn’t heard her use before, but he can’t help but notice the disappointment evident in her body language. It isn’t overt, but he could tell. The way she isn’t holding herself with quite the perfect, confident posture she usually does. How her hand played nervously with the strap of her backpack. The exhausted sigh that seemed to come out of nowhere. Rey turned and let out a breath as she opened the door. “I’ll see you in class.”

Ben stood behind his desk for a few moments after she walked away, still stuck in the wake of what had just happened. And how quickly it happened. He didn’t even mean to ask her out, the words just tumbled out of his mouth before he could do anything to stop them. But it’s out in the open now - they both understood that there was  _ something  _ brewing under the surface of their unassuming study hangouts. 

His actions in class that morning played through his head on fast-forward as she brought up what he’d done - a classic Ben Solo dick move. One that wouldn’t have mattered and he wouldn’t have given a second thought to, until now, until he did it to someone he actually cared about. 

And now… now he’s stuck with a problem he created that he knows he has to fix, but has no clue how. Asking someone out isn’t something he’s used to, let alone trying to actually prove to someone how he feels and apologize to them. But there’s hope, right?  _ Maybe you’ve got to work on showing me how you feel,  _ Rey told him. He could do that, couldn’t he?


End file.
